I want to get bitten by a capybara and get the superpower of being chill 100% of the time.
Have you considered switching to indicas?
Based on the internet it also seems like every creature on earth is totally down to give a capybara a piggyback ride. I assume that influence is part of the capybara’s powers.
I think peter from dead pool got that one
The Immortal Jellyfish, taking their transdifferentiation ability in which they can reverse aging and damage at macro and cellular levels.
Hmmm… I choose the immoral jellyfish
I’ve seen that hentai.
Link?
No it was Zelda
I’d be worried that picking jellyfish might cause you to lose your brain as well. Which would be pretty inconvenient outside of preparing you for a career in politics.
Mm, I assumed that wasn’t part of the deal. Spider-Man didn’t get the brain of a spider. It’s only select characteristics.
Hey-oh!
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That was super interesting, thanks for linking that!
A housefly so my lifespan is 2 days
Good news,
Plenty of animal bites can give you the same or even a better experience!
Better in what way 🤨
7 minute abs.
Bitten by a radioactive housecat, I gain the ability to sleep deeply and comfortably in a position that by all rights looks like it should be destroying my spine
Like I’ll take whatever else you wanna throw on top, night vision or claws or something, but I only really need that first thing
Bats, I want their crazy advanced immune system and interferon production. Bats are tiny mammals with a metabolism even faster than a rat/mouse due to the high energy needs of powered flight. Typically, small mammals with this fast of a metabolism will live like 2-5 years, because cell division is so rapid that after only a few years, the cells’ DNA becomes too damaged to continue. However, bats have insane immune systems. They’re immune (asymptomatic carriers) to nearly every virus capable of infecting them because their immune systems produce so much interferon that any damage to the DNA (eg from a virus inserting code for its own reproduction into a cell) is corrected almost immediately. This process also partially repairs damage from cell-division, meaning that bats can live up to ~40 YEARS depending on the species. If a human had that ability, it would be like living to 400 or 500 years old, and being immune to nearly every disease (between native viral immunity, and antibiotics for bacterial infections)
Also Monitor Lizards. They’re the most intelligent squamate reptile (group that includes all living reptiles except turtles, crocodilians, and birds, who are archosauromorphs), except for possibly the cobra. But, they’re still cold-blooded, so I can just nap on a hot rock without eating for 2 days and be Fine. They do get Stupid when the temperature drops too much (lowers their metabolic rate, and intelligence uses lots of energy), but I live in Florida, so that’s fine💀. They’re also one of the only lizards that can both breathe and walk at the same time (apparently most squamate reptiles use the same muscles for breathing as moving their forelimbs?? Wack.). This is how they became so intelligent, there was more O2 coming into the body, so the overall metabolic budget to evolve stuff like Large Brain became much larger.
Also they’re adorable, monitor lizards can be so friendly, curious, and playful, they’re like the Lizard version of cat imo. I really want one, they even like to cuddle (humans are Warm, and they’re smart enough to recognize and trust you enough to want cuddles). I’m gonna get a cute little Ackie monitor once I graduate college I think.
Wow. I was going to say bat for flying and echolocation but will take what you are having, that is an awesome bat fact.
a cat. I would like my superpower to be that everybody treats me like a cat
Please get off the couch and stop licking yourself.
Nonchalantly pushed you off a cliff
Pss pss pss psss
Ok, I’m giving up on the cuttlefish powers for this. Also I’m be soft and flexy and faster than I already am! Also secret claws!
Most importantly, I can figure out how to be comfortable practically anywhere!
A kitten, and my superpowers are gonna be huge dick and $10k/day.
Next question.
How isn’t there one post mentioning Mantis shrimp for the vision and punching power. Or any gorilla for being vegan and jacked. What about a giraffe? You could taste a women’s urine to know if she’s ovulating. Are these not no the default answers?
Mantis Shrimp have worse colour vision than humans. They need all those receptors because their brains are too simple to combine colours like a human brain can. A human can see hundreds of shades of purple in between red and blue. A mantis shrimp can only see as many colours as it has receptors. It’s like seeing in 8 bit.
Can I subscribe to shrimp-facts? 🦐 ✌️
A mantis shrimp can punch hard enough that it vaporises the water in front of it into steam, which causes an explosion. It’s an effect called cavitation, and it can kill a prey animal that the shrimp didn’t even touch from the force of the explosion. Cavitation can also be an issue for sea vessels if the propeller and hull design creates too much turbulence, and this can damage vessels. If you’ve played Subnautica, cavitation is what happens when you run the Cyclops at full engine for too long.
Subnautica also has a deep sea vessel called a prawn. Prawns have claws on the first six legs, while shrimp only have claws on the first four. Australians love prawns, and do not call them shrimp. The famous line “shrimp on the barbie” was deliberately changed to make it easier for Americans to understand. Under normal circumstances an Australian would never talk about cooking shrimp, even if the animal on the barbie only had four claws.
Shrimp, prawns, and other marine crustaceans need a chemical called Calcium Carbonate, or CaCO3, to grow their shells. CaCO3 is a buffer chemical, which means that it can react with both hydrogen ions and hydroxide ions to form other chemicals. Buffer chemicals make a solution resistant to changes in pH. If you add an acid or base to a solution with a buffer, the pH will change very little, at least until the buffer runs out. Calcium Carbonate makes the ocean resistant to changes in pH, which is pretty handy because carbon dioxide reacts with seawater to produce carbonic acid. Human-caused emissions of carbon dioxide would have already turned the oceans to acid and killed off all the marine ecosystems if it weren’t for CaCO3. Unfortunately, the amount of CaCO3 in the ocean has been greatly reduced. This makes it harder for crustaceans like shrimp to grow their shells. This has lead to a decline in both population and size for marine crustaceans. If we keep emitting carbon dioxide, the calcium carbonate buffer will run out and the crustaceans will all die. Also, the ocean will turn to acid and all the fish will die too, whether it be due to the acid directly, or to food web collapse. This may herald the end of most life on earth.
was not prepared for the sad ending
aight we had good run
You can help protect the shrimp from extinction by getting rid of your car, going vegan, avoiding unnecessary flights, assassinating billionaires, and participating in armed revolution against the capitalist institutions.
Here’s a browser-based video game where you can see how humanity would do against climate change under your leadership, if we converted the world’s governments to socialism immediately: https://play.half.earth/
unfortunately I already do most things (the ones I can influence, anyway) but no way I can do more, even us as people vs countries that dont give a shit (china, india, etc).
China and India both have lower emissions per capita than rich western countries like America, England, and Australia. These high emission countries should only be complaining about China if they were already world leaders on emissions, which they are not. The top ten countries on per capita emissions are African. Afghanistan is 11. India is the leader of the larger countries.
An axolotl. I love swimming, less so the idea of SCUBA diving. I’d spend so many hours just chilling in the coral reefs on a sunny day. They’re amphibious too so it means I could breathe just fine on land and in the water!
Everyone seems to think the question says you get powers related to the animal that bites you, but it isn’t worded that way. I’d get bit by a kitten and have the power of telekinesis, which is really multiple powers. I could fly, create forcefields, create cold or heat by moving atoms, hell, I could create all kinds of things by manipulating atoms.
You have cheated my system. As punishment I will make sure no super power granting animal ever bites you. Muhahaha!
Everyone seems to think the question says you get powers related to the animal that bites you, but it isn’t worded that way.
You cheeky fucker. I like your thinking.
If we’re being pedantic, aren’t cat bites actually super dangerous because of infections and bacteria?
Why get bit by a cat? I’d picka mosquito. Been there, done that 1000 times already…
Bitten by bear. Super power gained: DEATH
See, I’d want hibernation…
I mean, death is kind of like hibernation. It just lasts forever instead of just 1 winter.
toss that alarm clock
Human, so that I can be even humaner. If I can get humaner enough I might bypass superhuman and become hyperhuman. I didn’t know if that will give me 5th-dimensional awareness or make me explode, but if superpowers are involved, there’s only one way to find out.
Alternatively a mountain goat so I can wall-run through downtown like it’s fucking Skyrim.
“Man-Man! He’s bestowed with all the powers of a man… but he’s a man.”
“Oh, I bet Man-Man gets his powers from Robert Bly!”
Octopus. I would hope to get the ability to shape shift.
I’m answering in the spirit of the question, but it wasn’t specified that the animal has to match the power. In that case, I’d choose basically the smallest thing that could feasibly bite me. A tardigrade for example.
Octopus is obviously the correct answer. They’re smart, they can fit through a hole the size of a quarter, they can camouflage, and they can shoot ink. They’re the superheroes of the animal world already.
Don’t they only live for like 4 years or something?
That’s longer than a spider lives, and Spider-Man isn’t dying of old age at 30.
My pet tarantula is 11 years old and likely got at least 5 more years in her.
DON’T TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME!
I’ll go with orangutan, and gain the ability to shift how my muscles are attached to my bones so I can adjust fine muscle control vs raw power.
“I’m sorry officer, it’s not my fault I was going 60, I forgot to reconfigure my leg muscles”
Do the superpowers have to correlate to the abilities of the animal that bites me, like Spider-Man?
Probably a grasshopper, if so. Being able to bound to basically anywhere I need to get would be nice, get some wings to course correct in the air. Or a mantis shrimp because then I really would never have to worry about losing a fight.
But if it’s any animal/any superpower: mosquito/super speed
