Oh god so many I could ruin this post. Music is my most important processing art, and many of the musicians I listen to are very important to me. So I’ll limit myself:

"We took a weekend, drove to Provo.

The snow was white and fluffy.

A weekend in Utah won’t fix what’s wrong with us

The grey sky was vast and real cryptic above me."

The Mountain Goats ~ The Mess Inside.

Because the work to get better and overcome truama isn’t easy or short. I’ve done a lot of wonderful things with my wife, and we’ve both come incredibly far from our truamas. But most of the nice things we’ve done had very little impact on that recovery. To paraphrase a Ray Ramano bit from SNL, you’re still gonna be you in Italy.

“I don’t fall in love, I plummet.” ~Ashley Virginia ~I Don’t Fall in Love

“You can’t stay everywhere you leave a piece of your heart.” ~Little Mazarn ~Vermont

These two go together. I fall in love–with people, places, things, experiences–with abandon. I can be slow to let things in, especially people, because once I do it is quickly a no holds barred environment. It’s what the Uhaul key on my necklace means. Because of that, I can’t stay everywhere or keep everyone I love. I have to know when and what to let go, when and where to hold on.

Finally I guess I’m gonna wholly belie all notions of brevity with a whole god damn Diane Cluck song:

"Somethin’ loosened around my heart

From where it was bound, it fluttered around

This funny motion first mistaken as attack

I realize and step back

With real eyes, I step back

And let it happen

Knitted so snug inside my chest

Iron lungs, ribs as rungs

Those who care to try and climb me

Sometimes say it’s hard to find me

Still, in reflex, I would shout

When I began spilling out

Weeping clearly as a blister

"Hey, I’m here, " you almost missed her

And I have so much for you (Na-na-na-na-na-na)

Do you know how I get shy to show you?

I fill up, tender, with a glow (Na-na-na-na-na-na)

Fluff and puff as I try to show you

Display my falling feathers

As they leave me in this weather

The days, they go so quickly

Can’t even stop them

Don’t even want to"

Diane Cluck ~Heartloose

I usually have to listen to this song twice. It’s so short, but so dense. Every bit of it shakes me. I don’t have time to enumerate the ways this song applies, appeals, affects, and relates to me. Diane Cluck is so important to me.